Parody Songs
I've written a few parody songs over the last few years which I have submitted to shows like NewsRevue and The Treason Show. Sadly, none have them made it on air so far, but I do enjoy writing them so I thought I'd share them for you to enjoy! Please be aware that the first one does contain some language that some may find offensive.
Jump to song
‘9 to 5’ 2020 edition (Submitted 21/05/20)
*WARNING CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE*
​
Gettin’ out ‘a bed and I head straight to the bathroom
Thinkin’ ‘bout the dream where she’s wearin’ that costume
And I yawn and stretch and he starts to come to life
Hop into the shower and the blood starts pumpin
'Knocking one out ‘fore my first daily dumpin'
Yes, folks like me are pullin’ it from 9 to 5
Jerkin' 9 to 5, while the gov’ment pays my mortgage
Bein’ furloughed's fine, it's all Netflixin' and chillin'
Don’t just use your mind why not buy some pornhub credit
But enough so that you really don’t regret it
9 to 5, for self-love with devotion
You would think that I would have bought a lot more lotion
Pr’fer to get some head but my girl don’t wanna see me
I’m scared sometimes that lady’s gonna dump me
You eat ice cream cos’ it don’t matter
All that’s on your mind is baby batter
And all your meals are from the takeaway
You’ve spanked it twice an hour since you’ve been in lock down
Waitin' for deliveries from the Amazon man
Hopin’ to Christ that he’s brought toilet roll today
Jerkin' 9 to 5, while the gov’ment pays my mortgage
Bein’ furloughed’s fine, it's all Netflixin' and chillin'
Don’t just use your mind why not buy some pornhub credit
But just enough so that you really don’t regret it
9 to 5, yeah you’ve got to where you want to
What-a ‘bout a wife, and you think about it, don't you?
It’s so hard to find, one that you won’t easily sicken
When you spend your life chokin’ on your chicken
9 to 5, whoa what a way to make a livin’
Bein’ furloughed’s fine, it's all Netflixin' and chillin'
Don’t just use your mind why not buy some pornhub credit
But enough so that you really don’t regret it
9 to 5, yeah you’ve got to where you want to
FADE OUT ON NEXT LINE
What-a ‘bout a wife, and you think about it, don't you?
The following song was submitted before the US Election but the show was broadcast after the result was announced, otherwise it may have worked!
“Is it Trump or is it Joe” (Submitted 02/11/2020)- to the tune of The Clash’s “Should I Stay or Should I Go”
U.S. you got to let me know
Is it Trump or is it Joe?
If you don’t set a deadline
You’ll be there ‘til the end of time
So come on and let us know
Is it Trump or is it Joe
It’s always sleaze sleaze sleaze
Trump likes it when you’re on your knees
One day he’ll grab and next change tack
So if you want him off your back
Well come on and let us know
Is it Trump or is it Joe
Is it Trump or is it Joe now?
Is it Trump or is it Joe now?
If it’s Joe there could be trouble
And if it’s Trump it will be double
So come on and let us know
This non-decision's buggin' me (esta no-decisión me molesta)
If you don't want Trump, set Joe free (Si no me quieres Trump, Joe librame)
Exactly who won we can’t see (Dime! quien ganó no podemos ver)
Don't you know which votes even befit me? (¿No sabes qué votos me dividen?)
Come on and let us know (Pero tienes que decir)
Should I call it for good old Joe? (¿Me debo ir o quedarme?)
Split
(Doble! ¿Debería llamarlo por el bueno de Joe?)
(Esperda)
(Rrattarrattarrattaa...)
Is it Trump or is it Joe now? (Yo me enfrio o lo soplo)
Is it Trump or is it Joe now? (Yo me enfrio o lo soplo)
If it’s Joe there could be trouble (Si me voy, va a haber peligro)
And if it’s Trump it will be double (Si me quedo, es doble)
So you gotta let us know (Pero que tienes que decir)
Should I call it for good old Joe? (¿Me frío o lo soplo?)
Is it Trump or is it Joe now? (Yo me enfrio o lo soplo)
If it’s Joe there could be trouble (Si me voy, va a haber peligro)
And if it’s Trump it will be double (Si me quedo, es doble)
So you gotta let us know (Pero que tienes que decir)
Is it Trump or is it Joe.
England, we win shootouts (Submitted 16/11/2020)
– to the tune of Yes Sir I can boogie by Baccara
England
You guys now have some competition
We’ve made the Euros
And they’ve already made the draw
Wembley, may wanna keep its reputation
As top home nation
You’d better hope it’s not a draw
Oooohh! Hey England, we win shootouts
We don’t miss from just 12-yards
We win shootouts, shootouts wootouts when it counts
Hey England, we win shootouts
We put the ball, right in the net
We win shootouts, shootouts wootouts when it counts
Columbia?
I don’t mean those last 16 games
I’m talking semis
Or finals when it really counts
England, you may have hoped that it can’t get worse but then you drew us
And you will hear it in our chants
Oooohh! Hey, England, we win shootouts
We don’t miss from just 12-yards
We win shootouts, shootouts wootouts when it counts
Hey England, we win shootouts
We put the ball, right in the net
We win shootouts, shootouts wootouts when it counts
Hey England, we win shootouts
We put the ball, right in the net
We win shootouts, shootouts wootouts when it counts
Hey England, we win shootouts
We don’t miss from just 12-yards
We win shootouts, shootouts wootouts when it counts
Hey England, we win shootouts
We put the ball, right in the net
We win shootouts, shootouts wootouts when it counts
Hey England, we win shootouts
We put the ball, right in the net
We win shootouts, shootouts wootouts when it counts
Hey England, we win shootouts
We put the ball, right in the net
We win shootouts, shootouts wootouts when it counts
Free and Safe Vaccine (Submitted 16/11/2020)
– to the tune of Yellow Submarine by The Beatles
As this virus is airborne
We all act so carefully
And to get back to our lives
We endure these quarantines
So we stopped seeing our mums
And our hands are squeaky clean
But we’ll soon be with our faves
With a free and safe vaccine
All we need is a free and safe vaccine
a free and safe vaccine, a free and safe vaccine
All we need is a free and safe vaccine
a free and safe vaccine, a free and safe vaccine
And our friends are all just bored
Quizzing on a Zoom is now a chore
And the broadband starts to fray
All we need is a free and safe vaccine
a free and safe vaccine, a free and safe vaccine
All we need is a free and safe vaccine
a free and safe vaccine, a free and safe vaccine
(Full speed ahead Mr. Pfizer, full speed ahead
Full speed ahead it is, Sergeant
Action station, action station
Aye, aye, sir, fire
Captain, captain)
As the lockdown’s almost eased
Everyone of us has all we need (has all we need)
Toilet rolls (toilet rolls) pasta and beans (pasta and beans)
With our free (with our free) and safe vaccine (and, safe vaccine, ha ha)
All we need is a free and safe vaccine
a free and safe vaccine, a free and safe vaccine
All we need is a free and safe vaccine
a free and safe vaccine, a free and safe vaccine
All we need is a free and safe vaccine
a free and safe vaccine, a free and safe vaccine
All we need is a free and safe vaccine
a free and safe vaccine, a free and safe vaccine
Stop The Covid Please (Submitted 06/12/2020)
– to the tune of Stop The Cavalry by Jona Lewie
Hey, Mr. Johnson please come over here
Stop saying we are doing splendidly
We’re all very tired, of all of your lies
Please just talk to us sensibly
Oh I say it's tough, We’ve all had enough
Won’t you stop the Covid please?
You gave us a fright, almost every night
With your Downing Street Daily Briefs
That is when we’d say, oh Christ him again
Won’t you stop the Covid please?
Valance, Whitty by your side
Behind the science you tried to hide
We should all be hugging now
Or going in the homes of those we love
Dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb
Dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb
Dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb, dumb-dumb-dumb,
dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb
Dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb
Dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb
Dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb, dumb-dumb-dumb,
dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb
Wish it had been cured for Christmas.
Kerching! That's another deal for another friend
To provide you with PPE
But if it doesn’t work, you won’t look a jerk
You’ll blame someone else incredulously
All that we ask is please stop
Won’t you stop the Covid please
Dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb
Dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb
Dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb, dumb-dumb-dumb,
dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb
Dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb
Dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb
Dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb, dumb-dumb-dumb,
dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb
Wish it had been cured for Christmas.
Wish we could be hugging now
Or meeting up with those we love
Instead we all should stay at home
Protecting the lives of everyone
It won’t go away for Christmas.
Wellerman - NHS Version (Submitted 26/01/2021)
Episode One of the third series of The Treason Show was an NHS special. I submitted the first few lines of an NHS Wellerman parody, but they went a different way with it on the show. I thought I'd share what I'd done with the good people of the internet. Maybe one day (when the tonguing' is done) I'll complete it...
There now is a scheme available to thee
Been around since the time of Clement Attlee
If you’re feeling ill, or rather run-down
Go, to the hospital, Go (huh)
Bang then the NHS drum
For keeping us safe when illness come
One day, when this government’s done
We'll pay them decent dough
She’s had her numbers cut right to the core
With the Tories hell bent on cutting her more
But Corona’s shown what the good called for
To keep her fire aglow (huh)
Bang then the NHS drum
For keeping us safe when illness come
One day, when this government’s done
We'll pay them decent dough
The Treason Show Sketch - Now That's What I Call A Covid Christmas (Submitted 03/12/2020 @ 10:39am
On 3rd December 2020 at 10.39am I submitted the following sketch to The Treason Show. Sadly, later that day I noticed a sketch doing the rounds that was almost entirely the same in its concept, albeit with different songs. I knew straight away that mine would never see the light of day as that sketch had had over 2 million views in the first 24 hours. Anyway, thought it should have a home somewhere. So let's imagine what might have been...
VO: Now That’s What I Call A Covid Christmas! All of your holiday favourites - updated for 2020 - including:
(Caption & VO)
All I Want for Christmas is Flu
(Caption & VO)
Fatality Rate of New York
(Caption & VO)
Not Driving Home For Christmas
VO: And, it wouldn’t be Christmas without this updated classic from Wham!
(To the tune of Last Christmas by Wham!. Mark dressed like George Michael and Andrew Ridgely? They pull their masks up before singing.)
🎶Mask Christmas, 2 metres apart
But your family can’t stay, see them from your doorway
Next year, to save me from tiers
I'm moving to Central Wales🎶
VO: And that’s not all! What about these!
(Caption & VO)
2000 Miles (For an eye test) by The Pretender
(Caption & VO)
I Saw Mommy Intubating Santa Claus
(Caption & VO)
HaPPE Xmas (War is Over)
VO: And don’t forget this updated classic from Paul McCartney.
(To the tune of Paul McCartney’s Wonderful Christmastime)
🎶The mood is bright
Our resolve’s tough
We're stood apart
It’s not too rough
Simply Having a Socially Distant Time
Simply Having a Socially Distant Time🎶
CAPTION & VO: Also featuring,
(Caption & VO)
Here Comes Track and Trace
(Caption & VO)
Plant Her Maybe
(Caption & VO)
Do You Fear What I Fear
VO: And this updated Adam Faith classic!
(To the tune of Lonely Pup (in a Christmas Shop) by Adam Faith)
Cold dead eyes that seem to say,
Don’t sack me I want to stay,
Guess what he had in that box,
Just a lonely cup in a Cummings prop.
Took a trip, to test his eyes
That he was not sacked came as no surprise
He was selfish, and a fop
With a lonely cup in a Cummings prop
VO: Also featuring
(VO & Caption)
The R Rate - Let It Slow! Let It Slow! Let It Slow
(VO & Caption)
Costly The BoJoMan
(VO & Caption)
Here Comes Pfizer’s Spores
VO: And last, but by no means least, this updated classic from Jona Lewie.
(To the tune of Jona Lewie’s Stop the Cavalry)
🎶Hey, Mr. Johnson please come over here
Stop saying we are doing splendidly
We’re all very tired, of all of your lies
Please just talk to us sensibly
Oh I say it's tough, We’ve all had enough
Won’t you stop the Covid please?
(Overlaid with pictures of Mr Johnson looking foolish and/or people from the cabinet? If possible, could the picture change on each ‘dumb’? )
Dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb
Dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb
Dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb, dumb-dumb-dumb,
dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb
Dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb
Dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb
Dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb, dumb-dumb-dumb,
dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb, dumb
Wish it had been cured for Christmas.
So whether you’ve been naughty or nice, make sure this goes to the top of your Christmas list!
Now That’s What I Call A Covid Christmas, available never, from all bad record shops.
Stop the Boats (Submitted 07/03/2023)
Not sure why but suddenly this came into my head after watching the news today! So I quickly put something together and fired it over to The Treason Show team on the off chance they might be able to use it...
So I'd like to know who, tabled the motion
Said I'd like to know who, tabled the motion
(To stop the boats), don't stop the boats Bravey,
(Stop the boats)
don't whip them at Dover
(Stop the boats), don't stop the boats Bravey
(Stop the boats)
People on these boats are on their knees
They take huge risks in search of better lives
It’s hard to keep them safe from a strained Rishi
There's always been an outside chance that he’ll be gone next week
The Tories love their followers’ devotion
They’ve been dying to share their very latest three-word slogan
So I'd like to know who, tabled the motion
Said I'd like to know who, tabled the motion
(To stop the boats), don't stop the boats Bravey,
(Stop the boats)
don't whip them at Dover
(Stop the boats), don't stop the boats Bravey
(Stop the boats)
Stunts like this are becoming quite the norm
And this current crop have tendencies to misinform
So we need to have the strength to see things through
To vote them out, next May my dear, when the election’s finally due
(The Tories love their followers’ devotion)
They’ve been dying to share their very latest three-word slogan
So I'd like to know who, tabled the motion
Said I'd like to know who, tabled the motion
So I'd like to know who, tabled the motion
Said I'd like to know who, tabled the motion
(To stop the boats), don't stop the boats Bravey,
(Stop the boats)
don't whip them at Dover
(Stop the boats), don't stop the boats Bravey
(Stop the boats) don't whip them at Dover
(Stop the boats), ooh-ooh
(Stop the boats) jog on with your banter
(Stop the boats) jog on with your banter
(Stop the boats) jog on with your banter
(Stop the boats)
(Stop the boats)
(Stop the boats)
(Stop the boats)
(Stop the boats)
(Stop the boats)
(Stop the boats)
(Stop the boats)
(Stop the boats)
(Stop the boats)
(Stop the boats)
(Stop the boats)
(Stop the boats)
(Stop the boats)