Newsjack - Series 22
BBC's Newsjack returned to Radio 4 Extra at 22:30 on 13/02/2020. Here were my submissions for this series that unfortunately didn't make it onto the show.
Episode 1 - Broadcast 13/02/20
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BREAKING NEWS
Schools are giving teachers body cameras in a pilot scheme to tackle pupils’ bad behaviour. “This is an excellent idea, you wouldn’t believe some of the atrocious language and threats of violence we are subjected to,” said one student.
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A computer scientist who helped the Queen send her first email - in 1976 - has died aged 86. Subsequently, members of the computer fraternity have been greatly impressed by Her Majesty’s knowledge following the release of a statement from Buckingham Palace that said: “One was in bits.”
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GOOD WEEK / BAD WEEK
It has been a bad week for insects as "Climate chaos" has caused widespread losses of bumblebees across continents, according to scientists.
But it has been a good week for parasites with the South Korean film picking up four awards at this year’s Oscars and Donald Trump being acquitted in his impeachment trial.
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SKETCHES
I also submitted a sketch. At the time I still wasn't that used to sketch writing, but I was trying to do them a bit more often in the hope that they might finally click. (Click the PDF Image to read)
Episode 2 - Broadcast 20/02/20
BREAKING NEWS
Climate Activists, Extinction Rebellion dug up a lawn outside a Cambridge University college over its role in a major development in the Suffolk countryside. Cambridgeshire Police were hopeful of catching members of the group in the act, but it appears they were tipped off as the lawn was already damaged when police arrived. They are now on the lookout for a mole.
GOOD WEEK / BAD WEEK
It has been a good week for Peers, as following a review of their allowances, their daily pay for turning up to the House of Lords will be increased by more than 3% to £323.
But it has been a bad week for Piers Morgan, because, well, basically because he’s Piers Morgan.
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It has been a good week for the fight against obesity as Unilever has agreed that by the end of the year, it will no longer market its ice-creams to children
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But it has been a bad week for children, as they now have 99 problems.
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SKETCHES
I also submitted a sketch this week. (Click the PDF Image to read)
Episode 3 - Broadcast 27/02/20
BREAKING NEWS
A tantric massage parlour was registered to the address of a flat being rented out by Rory Stewart. Mr Stewart has denied any impropriety, saying it sounded like a Sting operation.
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And finally, a hardware store in Buckinghamshire that recreated the Two Ronnies’ iconic ‘Four Candles’ sketch, has said business is now booming. They’ve installed a loudspeaker. It’s goodnight from me, and it’s goodnight from him.
GOOD WEEK / BAD WEEK
It has been a bad week for junk food lovers, as claims arose that it is addictive and damages a part of the brain which exercises self-control.
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It has been a good week for people that like to say, no shit, Sherlock.
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It has been a bad week for the British Public, as the BBC has removed the chance to choose this year’s Eurovision Song Contest entry.
It has been a good week for viewers, as they will no longer have to sit through, Eurovision: You Decide.
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SKETCHES
Incredibly, I also submitted a sketch this week! (Click the PDF Image to read)
Episode 4 - Broadcast 05/03/20
I didn't submit anything to this episode.
Episode 5 - Broadcast 12/03/20
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BREAKING NEWS
A pig that swallowed a pedometer ended up sparking a fire in its pen. The farm’s owner is unhappy that the cause of the fire has been made public and is now trying to find out who squealed.
Episode 6 - Broadcast 19/03/20
BREAKING NEWS
UK broadband companies say they can cope with increased demand as more people stay at home during the coronavirus crisis. BT and Virgin Media have said that some slowdown in speed during periods of truly heavy usage could be possible but will be rare. And a spokesperson from TalkTalk said "We reg rly exper ce pe ks in dem nd a d are n t un duly wo ri d".
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GOOD WEEK / BAD WEEK
It has been a bad week for butter, as buttered toast is three times as bad for the planet as a plant-based alternative.
But it has been a good week for Anchor, as people have been calling for it whenever they have seen Boris Johnson on the TV or Radio.