Breaking the News - Series 24
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Episode 1 - 17/02/23
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Opening/Closing Gags
Snickers and M&M’s maker Mars Wrigley has been fined by US safety regulators after two workers at one of its factories fell into a vat of chocolate. Bosses at the firm were said to have been left red faced, but they had just eaten one of their new prototype chewing gums.
Snickers and M&M’s maker Mars Wrigley has been fined by US safety regulators after two workers at one of its factories fell into a vat of chocolate. Bosses claimed they’d warned about the dangers until they were blue in the face. Although this was dealt with after a quick visit to the juicing room.
David Haye appears to confirm ‘throuple’ rumour with Una Healy and Sian Osborne. A throuple is a liaison involving three individuals in a romantic relationship. Four people in a relationship is called a quad. Whereas a relationship involving over 18 but under 25, is known as a DiCaprio.
After more than a decade off-screen, Barney the big purple dinosaur is making a comeback. And we all thought Boris’s next job might be in Cyber.
Round 1 – Story 1 – Nicola Sturgeon
Ms Sturgeon said “In my head and in my heart I know that time is now” a claim she made took real courage, completing the full set for those playing Wizard of Oz Bingo.
With Sturgeon having replaced Salmond, fish-themed-name fans now think Humza Yousaf stands a huge chance of getting the top job, as he represents the constituency of Glasgow Pollo(c)k
Episode 2 - Broadcast 24/02/23
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Openers & closers
Coffee chain Starbucks says it is launching a line of olive oil-infused drinks in Italy. Starbuck’s Chief Executive said olive oil’s "unexpected, velvety, buttery flavour... enhanced the coffee and lingers beautifully on the palate." Before being chased out of the café by a furious Popeye.
Coffee chain Starbucks says it is launching a line of olive oil-infused drinks in Italy. Starbuck’s Chief Executive said olive oil’s "unexpected, velvety, buttery flavour... enhanced the coffee and lingers beautifully on the palate." Which came as one hell of a shock to Popeye.
A McDonald's restaurant in South Wales was forced to close its doors when a group of young people allegedly threw a dead frog into the service area. There was much confusion surrounding the closure as diners believed they’d heard about the welcome return of a much sought-after menu item, the McRibbit.
A large metal sphere that washed up on a shore in Japan has perplexed locals and set off a flurry of speculation. Authorities can't say what it is yet - not even the police or bomb squad sent to investigate. But what is known is that it's hollow - and not a threat. Many suspect it to be a type of buoy. Although they are not going to assume that until after they’ve staged its gender reveal party.
A large metal sphere that washed up on a shore in Japan has perplexed locals and set off a flurry of speculation. Authorities can't say what it is yet - not even the police or bomb squad sent to investigate. But what is known is that it's hollow - and not a threat. Many suspect it to be a type of buoy. Although they are not going to assume that until after they’ve blown it up and seen whether the smoke that comes out of it is pink or blue.
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Round 1 – Story 1 – SNP Leadership Contest
People have often accused Jacob Rees Mogg of having outdated or old-fashioned views - Kate Forbes, hold my mead.
Episode 3 - Broadcast 03/03/23
Openers & closers
​Police in Ecuador have found almost 8.8 tonnes of cocaine in a shipment of bananas bound for Belgium. Authorities were delighted to have made the discovery as they hope to have now prevented a number of bad trips.
Breaking 100 Years of News - Broadcast 06/03/23
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Openers
1923 also saw the first edition of the Radio Times published. Subtitled ‘The official organ of the BBC.’ The name was repurposed many years later in describing John Barrowman.
1923 also saw the first edition of the Radio Times published. Subtitled ‘The official organ of the BBC.’ A name long since forgotten until the rise to prominence of John Barrowman.
In 1941, The "SS Politician", loaded with 264,000 bottles of whisky, ran aground on Eriskay in the Western Isles. Much of its cargo was salvaged by residents and remains to this day the happiest people have been with a wayward politician.
In 1944, John Logie Baird gives the world's first demonstration of a fully electronic colour television display using a 600 line system. Not everyone was that impressed with the technology though, with some claiming they’d already seen that episode of Mrs Brown’s Boys.
The first Edinburgh Festival was held in 1947 following funding of £60,000 from the Arts Council, private donors, and Edinburgh town council. Incidentally, £60,000 is also what it is expected to cost this year, although that’s for a 3-night stay in a B&B.
1956 sees the last tram (for many years) run in Edinburgh. Which is a nightmare if you wanted to go anywhere after 8 o’clock.
The Singer Sewing Machine Factory in Clydebank, once one of the world's largest factories, closed in 1980 with the loss of 25,000 jobs. The most disappointment there’s been in a singer in Scotland until Bob Dylan’s 2004 SECC gig.
2008: Barack Obama becomes the first black, and the 44th, President of the United States. 2016: Donald Trump becomes the first orange, and the 45th President of the United States
In 2016, ‘Britain’s’ Andy Murray is ranked world no. 1 for 41 weeks. From the 42nd week, the English press refers to him as ‘Scotland’s’ Andy Murray again.
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Closers
A hologram of Nigel Farage makes yet another return to front-line politics, but in a shock move he joins the SNP, hoping to persuade the people of Scotland to leave Europe and re-join the UK..
Episode 4 - Broadcast 10/03/23
Openers & closers
A Peebles man who grew cannabis plants - worth more than £20,000 - in his home has been ordered to carry out 100 hours of unpaid work. Asked how he’d monitor his hours, he said he’ll know when the time’s up, as there will be a big bong.
Cheeses made outside Switzerland and France can now carry the name gruyère in the US after a recent court ruling put an end to Europe’s monopoly on the product. American producers are delighted by the clarification as the non-conforming naming issues had been somewhat of a grey area.
Amazon founder, Jeff Bezos’s $500m superyacht was spotted in the North Sea. It was due to be in the Baltic Sea, but the tide was out, so was left next door.
Episode 5 - Broadcast 17/03/23
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Episode 6 - Broadcast 24/03/23
Openers & closers
Beethoven had a likely genetic predisposition to liver disease and a hepatitis B infection months before his death, tests have revealed. It’s possible the discovery was originally overlooked at it wasn’t unusual for the composer to be seen with an overly large organ.
Episode 7 - Broadcast 31/03/23
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Openers & closers
Egg yolk may have been a key ingredient in the oil paints used by Old Masters because it helped prevent yellowing and wrinkling, a study has found. Some early photographs may have also benefited from the constituents of an egg, as they were preserved by being kept in a photo albumen.
Migrants will be housed on a giant barge and two military bases rather than hotels under government plans to deter people from coming to the UK. Barges have only recently been considered as it was suggested immigrants should be kept under lock and quay.
Episode 8 - Broadcast 07/04/23
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Episode 9 - Broadcast 14/04/23
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Openers & closers
A 21-year-old Chinese college student broke a Guinness World Record when he used only four fingers to do 22 push ups in one minute. He had hoped to further break the record on his next attempt, but by then the KitKat had melted.
Episode 10 - Broadcast 21/04/23
Openers & closers
The cost of British food staples including cheddar cheese, white bread, porridge oats and white potatoes has soared in the last year, according to a new Which? report. Which? is mostly known for reviewing fridges, freezers, washing machines etc, so it isn’t that surprising that people are now looking to them for information on other white foods.
A modified form of Botox could be used as pain relief for people with chronic nerve pain, scientists say. The news has caused some raised eyebrows within the medical fraternity, but not yet with any of the patients, who remain tight-lipped.