Breaking the News - Series 21

Episode 1 - 18/02/22

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Manged to submit two from the Tuesday brief, but had an annoying day at work on Wednesday so it didn't happen with the Wednesday brief, and I didn't push it. Also, didn't have chance to look at the morning liners on Thursday. Hopefully I will have more time/luck next week.
 

Openers & closers

The Idaho Potato Commission has launched a new product just in time for Valentine's Day, "Frites by Idaho" - a French-fry scented perfume. Other areas may now follow suit, so Edinburghers  (Dunediners?) might soon be able to get their hands on Eau de chippy sauce. 

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SNP ministers spent £40,000 on airbnbs over 4 years while pushing for more regulation of the rental online sector. Although 80% of that spend has since been attributed to the rental of a broom cupboard during the 2019 Edinburgh Fringe.
 

 
Episode 2 - 25/02/22
 

Openers & closers

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A marmalade festival in Cumbria has attracted more than 3,000 entries from around the world. Organisers were concerned some entries might not be received before the deadline, but thankfully all arrived in time, although some did really cut it fine.

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Pine martens are to be deployed as wildlife bouncers along the east coast of Scotland and the A9 corridor to halt the northward march of grey squirrels. So it will soon be a case of you’re not coming in if you’re not nativist.

 

Pharmacy Boots has begun selling single Covid tests for £5.99, despite free kits being available via the NHS until 1 April. Although, you can get the kits cheaper, if you buy them alongside a sandwich and a drink.

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Scottish Ballet has confirmed it will no longer be sponsored by oil giant BP, saying it does not fit with the dance company's "green action plan". BP’s next sponsorship opportunities could be in cyber. (They just don’t know it yet).

 

The government is to launch a study of the economic benefits of reintroducing imperial units of measurement, to quantify a supposed advantage of Brexit. The study will be overseen by the Business Department, with other departments lending a hand, or as it’s known currently, 4 inches.

Episode 3 - 04/03/22

Openers & closers

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Scottish company Peak Scientific is funding 30 places on a summer school and set a challenge to school children to design a pair of shoes capable of collecting litter. One idea would see a bag attached to a wheel embedded into the sole. The designer’s calling it, the Heely Bin.

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A rail fare dodger who made 196 trips without a ticket was ordered to pay £4500 in fines and costs. There are concerns however that the penalty may not act as a deterrent as it is the same price as an on the day single from Edinburgh to London.

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Drones can successfully be used to see if dolphins are pregnant, researchers have said. Although there is an increased risk of the dolphin being stung in the process.

Asda has apologised after £200 was taken from an Angus woman’s bank account for a £10 Dundee fuel top-up. The woman hadn’t question it at the time as she’d also purchased a can of cola and two chocolate bars.

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Kim Kardashian is a single woman once again after nearly eight years married to Ye, formerly known as Kanye West. Asked whether it’s less frantic in the house without him around she replied, No West, life is peaceful there.

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Episode 4 - 11/03/22
 

Openers & closers

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Pamela Anderson is set to make her Broadway debut in 'Chicago'. Which is off, off, off, off-Broadway.

 

Jason Donovan entertained audiences visiting a late-night kebab van named after him, even staying around to enjoy a takeaway. When asked what sauces he’d like, the former Neighbours star was unsure and said, ‘any cream will do’. 

 

The house party is back. The pandemic has seen young people turn to the house party for after hour shenanigans. When asked whether they were glad the House Party was making a welcome return, one respondent couldn’t hide their delight shouting Blobby Blobby blobby blobb!

 

A Queensland news conference was disrupted when an Australian sign language interpreter was pooped on by an owl. AUSLAN interpreter Mike Webb apologised for interrupting the briefing, before pausing to take off his jacket and wipe his face. Those who saw the incident described it as a real head-turner. 

 

US Border Patrol agents found dozens of horned lizards and snakes hidden in a man's clothing as he crossed into the US from Mexico last month. The man tried to plead his innocence but knew he was in over his head from the gecko.

 

The number of unionised Starbucks stores in the US has doubled after employees at three more locations voted to join Workers United. One of the locations almost wasn’t admitted following some confusion as workers originally wrote that they’d like to join an Yvonne.

 

Round 3: People in the News - Person 1 – Ken Smith

I’m still amazed by the fact that when describing Mr Smith's visit to the Glasgow Premier, no one went with the headline, ‘Lochaber no more’.

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Episode 5 - 18/03/22 
 

Openers & closers

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The Rolling Stones have announced they will be playing their first show in the city of Liverpool for more than 50 years when they play at Liverpool FC’s Anfield Stadium. Members of the Liverpool squad were delighted at the news, especially James Milner, who was at that last gig.
 

American football star Tom Brady’s retirement lasted just 40 days, after announcing he was returning to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for his 23rd season in the NFL. This latest U-turn means that the 7-time Superbowl winner has now had more comebacks than Nigel Farage. 
 

Round 1: Headline News - Story 2 – Post Pandemic Shopping Basket

Following recent events, it wouldn’t surprise me if next year’s inflation basket contained some kind of Wordle App, and voodoo dolls of Putin.

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Episode 6 - 25/03/22
 

Openers & closers

A peregrine falcon at Salisbury Cathedral laid its first egg of the year this week. Live-stream viewers were impressed they could watch via a night-vision webcam. Although, it turns out its actually just a regular camera, the birds are nesting in a takeaway container from the local Zizzi.

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Four adorable Asian small-clawed otter kits at Edinburgh Zoo have been given river-inspired names. The female quadruplets have been named Esk, Isla, Yarrow and Ury. They were going to have canal-inspired names, which three were fine with, but the fourth wasn’t happy being called shopping trolley. 

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A total of 252 people donned lion costumes in an Irish town to set a Guinness World Record for the largest gathering of people dressed as lions. Other smaller attempts to break records were unsuccessful, but people were thankful that the record was broken at the mane event.

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Round 1: Headline News – Story 2: Cambo Oil Field

I think we are days away from a Shell Executive responding from a shower claiming we must have dreamt they ever said it was pulling its investment.

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Round 2: Public Opinion – Story 2: Census Day / The Scottish Census

New questions for the 2022 census include whether people use British Sign Language (BSL) and which passports they hold. I imagine there were some very happy people that responded, ‘a blue one!’

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Episode 7 - 01/04/22
 

Round 2: Public Opinion – Story 2: Shrinkflation Hits Cadburys

If shrinkflation continues at this pace, by Christmas you’ll be buying a Terry’s Chocolate satsuma.

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Episode 8 - 08/04/22

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Openers & closers

A road was closed after a lorry in Derbyshire shed its load of biscuits over the carriageway. Popular varieties - like ginger nuts and bourbons - appeared to have been crushed in the incident. Police have warned motorists to be aware of the increased potential for tyre damage, as they have yet to account for the Hobnobs.

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A team of scientists from the University of Oxford think they've worked out the best and worst smells in the world. According to their study, the best smell is vanilla, and the worst smell is sweaty feet. Despite research being conducted amongst 235 people from nine different cultures across the world, the conclusion was reached on the final day, when one of the scientists ran to get some ice cream.

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A preserved leg of a dinosaur thought to have been killed on the day a giant asteroid slammed into earth, wiping them out, has been found. Members of the general public will soon be given the chance to experience the find, as Waitrose has announced it will be part of the new Heston Blumenthal range.

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Episode 9 - 16/04/22

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Openers & closers

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Four Snoopy sculptures forming part of a trail have had to be withdrawn after just two days because they were smashed by vandals. The broken artefacts were quickly collected by stewards as there were concerns for people’s safety. Well, you know what they say, slay Peanuts, fret flunkies.

 

Google has removed more than a dozen apps from its Play Store after learning they contained malicious code which was harvesting people's locations, phone numbers, and email addresses. Affected apps included a QR code scanner, a weather app, and Muslim prayer apps. Suspicions were aroused when a user’s weather app stated that it wasn’t going to rain as John next door was washing his car.

 

TV presenter Richard Osman is to leave the hit BBC One quiz show Pointless, the corporation has confirmed. The 51-year-old has appeared on the show since 2009, filming more than 1,300 episodes across almost 30 series. It is not yet known who will take over future presenting duties, but they will certainly have big shoes to fill.

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Episode 10 - 23/04/22

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Openers & Closers

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Funkypigeon.com, the online cards and gifts retailer, has suspended all orders following a "cyber security incident", its parent firm WH Smith has revealed. Suspicions were aroused when someone ordered a card on the site and wasn’t asked whether they’d also like some half-price chocolate.

 

Round 2: Public Opinion – Story 2: Hairy Chests

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This now explains why Emmanuel Macron was insistent that he enter the COP26 conference after Boris Johnson and Nicola Sturgeon, as third’s the one with the hairy chest.